Best Laid Plans

Best laid plans consume your thoughts. You always imagined you’d be married with two kids with a white picket fence surrounding your log cabin home on the lake in the woods with a mountain view. Big dreams to be a writer of poetry, books, and lyrics. You would be singing at a local bar in front of regulars who did not care if you missed a note because they felt your soul and appreciated your heartache. You look back at that little girl in black and white and you wonder how did she get here? Did she see the warning signs and ignore them; were there any? Did she step off the path to go the path less taken or did she follow the crowd and forget about her own destiny? Did she forget to believe in herself? Did she lose the inspiration by the voices that spoke the loudest after she lost the voice that mattered the most? What would that little girl think about the woman she has become? Would she be sad that she never reached for the stars that she dreamt about? Questions without answers; tears without resolution.

Road blocks are everywhere in life. There are detours that lead you in circles. You are comfortable and comfort leads to a stationary existence like a hamster on a wheel you can run all day and go absolutely no where. You look up and fall to your knees for the directional signal. The chaos is deafening. You cry in silence because you are strong, tough, and everyones shoulder. You are the cheerleader who picks up the crowd with a smile while little by little you become invisible, insignificant, and hollow inside. Ssshhh you are good, you are blessed, you are lucky, others have it worse, stop your pity, it’s not pretty to cry, no one loves weakness, keep going, you are fine, smile, stand up tall, help is not coming, accept it……accept it……accept it!!!! She needs you, he needs you, they need you so get up off of your knees and get over yourself.

Fear has tied your wings and made it impossible to fly. The daily grind is suffocating your creativity and suppressing your joy in the things you love. Controlled by the green you miss out on your dreams as you watch your life pass you by. You have already learned that life is short but you refuse to take the leap. You cannot fail; too many people depend on you. You convince yourself that you do what you do for everyone else. Truth is you are too scared to jump and not make it. Failure has never been an option. Just keep on going. You are doing great. You lie to yourself to keep going on a road with no stop lights. This works for you because you are a runner. You run from difficult situations, relationships, your own emotions, feelings, and pain. You are addicted to being numb.

Who is that girl in the mirror that looks back at you? I knew you as a fighter so where is the fight? She looks back at you and simply says “I’m tired.”